A LAMENT

[This was written some years ago, when I still had a certain glint in my eye. (I'm better now, thanks:)!) I decided to post it this morning, for a bit of a giggle.]

My sister keeps trying to marry me off.
I think she's afraid in my old age
I'll end up living in her basement,
collecting cats
and spitting on her floor.
And she's probably right -
because who else will have me?
She gets frustrated
with my non-cooperation
on this matter.
She says I'm proving
that you're never too old
to be a Major Geek.

She says lying on the couch
with a magazine over my face
isnt sending out
the proper signals.
She may be right.
I've noticed no one's knocked
on my front door
for a decade or so.
And the last one who did I mistook
for a deliveryman
and shut the door
in his bewildered face.
I think maybe I've forgotten
what the signals ARE!

She tears her hair out
when I tell her about
the last two men
I found attractive,
responding in my usual fashion
by bolting out the door,
running home to the safety
of my solitude
in all its known dimensions.

But I say I'm making progress.

Now when I run away
it's not because I'm afraid
of the man any more,
but because I'm much more afraid
of myself.

She says I'm hopeless
and she's giving up.

But me? I never give up!
Someday another Major Geek and I
will meet
and collide as we're both
bolting out the door.
The sparks will fly
as our feet pedal
furiously together
on the doorjamb.
Our elbows will knock,
we'll peer near sightedly
at each other,
and we'll dimly recognize
a Moment to be Siezed,
then there we'll be:
another perfect match
made in Geek Heaven! :)