He sits in the recliner where he is living out his final days,
in between hospital visits:
head fallen to the side, eyes closed, no strength, any more, to even lift his hands,
oxygen helping him breathe the diminishing breaths of his life.
His body is surrendering to the process that will
slowly and inexorably shut his system down,
until his last breath carries him into the vortex and away,
beyond the veil that separates this life from the next,
leaving only his chair behind, sitting empty,
to which, this time, he will not return.
She sits in the kitchen, weeping.
She has expended all of her will towards his recovery.
But "there will be no improvement,"
she tells me. "He will not be getting better."
The protection of denial has been stripped away,
her mind yet unable to grasp the fullness
of the yawning chasm awaiting her:
her husband gone, after thirty years together,
when one hundred would not have been enough,
his passing through the veil
between this world and the unseen,
the absence of that final walking away
down darkened hospital halls
that is now weeks, and perhaps only days,
away.
When death comes,
may his be peaceful:
sweet, gallant man
with only kindness in his heart.
When death comes,
may Allah support
her trembling, fragile, aged body,
so she can bear the burden
of surviving,
and living on without him.
So hard to find the will to keep on keeping on too Sherry, especially if they shared many, many years of love together.
ReplyDeleteThe letting go of love is the hardest thing I think we (as humans) ever have to do, yet, it is our destiny to do so right from the moment of our birth. If we can grasp that it makes it somewhat easier but, so hard for those left behind to have to try to understand, why.
Heartfelt, prose Sherry.
This is so poignant, Sherry. There is never a right time to die, and it is so hard to be the one going on without.....God bless you for your caring spirit.
ReplyDeleteOh my .. living life without the one you've spent most of your life with has got to so hard, even the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. This was an emotive read & has left me with a lump in my throat. One of my favourite quotes is from Winnie The Pooh
ReplyDelete" If you lived to be a hundred,
I also want to live to be a hundred
minus a day, so that I never have to live without you!"
It is such a hard lesson, but happens in every life. Why should it be so hard? But on the other hand, it is so hard to be the one left, perhaps we should race to be the one to go first? "Letting go, so easy to say, so hard to do." When is a good day to die? Let it be everyday.
ReplyDeleteSuch a telling and powerful write Sherry. I have witnessed such occurances, sad. But for me! put on that party hat and rock on! I know I would be missed, but please no tears, for I am doing OK!
ReplyDeleteIf they can only try and focus that "we" are not Just our physical selves alone..that all of us remain connected In that what we call soul or spirit or the immortal essence,that none of us are separate from another or from the force of which we are a part, the fears and sadness will subside.
ReplyDelete