The person in the poem
is having an
existential crisis.
She can be heard muttering
and gnashing her teeth.
Slapping herself upside the head
she tries to quell the voices:
would I?
could I?
should I?
The person in the poem
has a dream.
But to catch that dream,
she must let go
of ease and comfort,
and climb back into
darkness and discomfort.
And she is older, now.
She enjoys her comfort.
The person in the poem
is taking a poll,
since she cant seem to
find an answer.
Then the Old Lady says:
"Don't think! Close your eyes."
She prays over her
in Egyptian.
Then she asks,
"What does your body say?"
"My body says No,"
the person in the poem replies.
And it is decided.
*** *** *** *** ***
On July 8, which happened to be my birthday, I was actually having an existential crisis, as I had a huge impacting decision to make. Brian over at dVerse set us a prompt to write about the person in the poem. I wrote this and didnt post it, as the decision flummoxed me and laid me flat for a few days. I had a choice between comfort and going back to the place of my dreams, all or nothing, the choice the universe always gives me, it seems.
I live in one large sunny room, surrounded by comfort and objects which have special meanings and memories for me. To return to my beloved Tofino, I would have had to live in a third of the space, in darkness, and give up most of what I treasure. Twenty years ago, I gave up comfort and embraced struggle in a heartbeat. This time, I knew I was not up to it.
Still, it is a hard letting go. And as I am the one who made the decision, I just have to suck it up.
*** *** *** *** ***
we have to know ourselves...listen to the body...and as hard as that is to give up that dream for now...you have to listen....and now you live...smiles.
ReplyDeleteO.O.O. Not a happy birthday gift, and yet, you gave yourself a gift by listening to your body and gave us a gift by putting this in a poem. Happy Birthday, Sherry. I hope other Tofino options open along the way.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sherry, what kind of place would be a third the size and dark? Why dark? Sounds awful.
ReplyDeleteI know how much you loved Tofino, but I hear it is becoming a tourist trap anyway, so keep your memories intact, and embrace comfort. I know it isn't easy. I know how much women like us want independence, grew up striving for independence, but we're not as young as we useta was, kiddo.
Luv, K
The decision was the right one. It is good to listen to one's body. Light is good, dark is dreary; and one needs to feel good in one's environment.
ReplyDeleteSometimes what we think we want is shadowed by what we know we want...sounds like the best decision. I prefer light and space...your memories will always be there when you need to return to the place you loved.
ReplyDeleteI think you made the best decision! YOUR memories are your light and you can have both in the comfort of your space~
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
"We live in hope!"
ReplyDeleteI recognize this type of crisis! Fantastic job Sherry all the answers are already inside of you =)
ReplyDeleteWonderful Sherry! So often we seek answers outside of ourselves when our soul already knows what is best for us.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's comments are wonderful and supportive. I especially appreciate 'The Unknowngnome' and Lisa A Williams interjections. I, like all of us, will come to terms with these same questions, these same decisions when time avails us with the need.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your existential moment and sharing it with us. Mine come intermittently and often.
'be here now, remember'
Buenos dias, mi amiga
Oh Sherry, I know how difficult it must have been to struggle with this decision. I certainly understand. Life just tests us this way and we have to chose paths. I'm wure you've chosen the right one. Important thing is - be happy wherever you are.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering, and I know in my heart you made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteNot because you had to give up anything - but because, you do not want to spoil all the lovely memories you had from 20 years ago.
Nothing is the same. The Tofino you would be going back to is not the Tofino in your heart. That is why you had the strength to resist.