Saturday, September 17, 2011

Wild Wolf of the Western Sea

[Joy at the beach - Pup jumping for a treat]

Your feet come galloping
through my dreams,
wild wolf of the sea
and the western wind.

Our souls rejoice
near the ocean's song,
where we explore,
where we belong.

In nightly visits
your wild eyes gleam,
your feet galloping
through my dreams.

*************************

and as a sort-of pantoum:


Your feet come galloping
through my dreams,
wild wolf of the sea
and the western wind.

Through my dreams
our souls rejoice,
in the westward wind,
near the ocean's song.

Our souls rejoice,
as we explore,
near the ocean's song,
where we belong.

As we explore,
in nightly dreams,
where we belong,
your wild eyes gleam.

In nightly visits,
wild wolf of the sea,
your feet come galloping
through my dreams.



Notes: Hmmmmm. I wrote this first version, then attempted to turn it into a pantoum, which it didn't want to do very easily. I will post both, and you can tell me which you prefer. I prefer the first version. I think my lines are too short here to be effective as a pantoum. Plus I had to fudge the last two lines to make it work.

15 comments:

  1. i don't know much about poetic technique, but i absolutely love the voice and the images. i was becoming inspired to write after reading your first stanza. power here. galloping: i really like how you brought in a word normally used for horses to emphasis the size of the wolf that must gallop.

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  2. Well, I like them both, Sherry, but I think you're right, the first one perhaps works best.
    Wonderful tributes to Pup.
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  3. I always really "get" these pup poems...so good.

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  4. It's Pup!!!

    I like the first one better than the pantaloon.

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  5. My favorite is the first one. I really LOVE the picture! I love the white spot on Pup's side.

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  6. i like the pantoum, but i do like the first one better, too. it somehow packs more, it's a little more urgent. the pantoum then, is more flowing. but aren't Pups ordinarily urgent? :)

    it has felt to me sometimes, too, like the longer repeating forms do better with more words, longer lines, which makes it more difficult, in my book.

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  7. i love them both, with wild wolf dog, you cannot miss! Beautiful dream!

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  8. I have no idea what a phantom is ... but I liked the second following the first. I liked the redundancy, for it made Pup and you, your great love for each other, not more real ... but more fouled within my mind. I liked the feel of it.

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  9. The first one is my favorite, Sherry, but I'd likely have adored the second if I hadn't been given opportunity to compare. I liked this as an intellectual exercise. Maybe I'll give this notion a whirl on my site.

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  10. Sherry, the first one is straight from the heart, but, like Kim, I would have liked the second if it stood on its own.

    I have a hard time with certain forms for exactly the reason you cite: Having to "fudge" words or even the rhythm of an entire line in order to conform. And YOU know what a non-conformist I am, ha ha! Peace, Amy

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  11. I do prefer the first but they're both brilliant! Such joy and companionship shines through.

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  12. Both are awesome! You are a joy! <3 Your wild wild wolf dog is adorable!

    xoxo

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  13. Yes, the first is my fav too Sherry. Love the picture, happy days!

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  14. Both were good but I really enjoyed the flow of the first one Sherry. It was very visual and the photo made it even better.

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