Crescent moon,
in an indigo sky,
two bright stars
shining
port-side,
I know right now
you are looking down
on a world
of pain:
where mothers
are losing their children,
where massacres
are taking place,
and where
starvation is claiming
the lives of many;
a world where
hopelessness and pain
are global.
Forgive
my heartbreak
over losing
this one old wolf-pup,
now spending
his last
remaining weeks
with me.
I know that,
in the grand scale
of things,
this is
a small
and manageable
heartbreak;
that the fourteen years
he has been
by my side
is a gift.
I know that
the best gift
I can now
return to him
is a kind death,
in his own home,
surrounded by love,
not in distress,
not in crisis,
not in
unbearable pain.
I know
that I can do this,
for him,
because
I love him,
given mothers
are watching
their children
die tonight,
and I have two
-maybe three -
more weeks
before
it is
Time.
Moon,
I see your beauty
and your serenity
up there,
free from
the turmoil
and the cost
of living
on this earth.
My wolf-dog
has howled
to you
on lonely midnights,
when he
most missed
his pack.
But then
he'd come
inside
and flop down
right beside me.
There was
nowhere
that he
would
rather be.
He waited
fourteen years
to let me know
that he was leaving.
He waited
until I could bear
the loss,
knowing that
the best gift
I can
give him
is to return him to
the wilderness
he loves,
that he gave up
to be with me,
through first
the best years,
then the worst years
of my life.
The vet says
he is hanging on
by a thread.
This morning
I thought
I had waited
much too long.
But up he got,
after collapsing,
one more time,
because
I asked him to
and he
will always
try.
She says
"Two weeks-
maybe three,
it is The End time."
Because it is not
Today
I can keep going,
but I am counting down
the days, now,
each by each,
till I release him
finally
back
to his
beloved
beach.
Oh, Sherry, my heart is breaking for you and Pup. My eyes are filled with tears, and my heart is breaking. I've been wondering, but didn't want to ask. Thank you for telling us. Know that we are all with you.
ReplyDeleteOh Sherry, I feel bad for you. You must have formed an attachment with the pup and it is very hard to let go of someone whom your are close to. I admire your courage for you are letting him go and it isn't very easy.
ReplyDeletethis is very hard to even read - crying - and my heart hurts for you - cannot imagine how this is to experience. you are the bestest dog mom ever. i love you xx
ReplyDeleteA beautiful poem of love, and there is no more pure love than what you have experienced with your dog. Loss is loss and grief is grief;the only counter you can put on it is how much you loved the thing you're losing. I still miss my Jack Russell, who suffered so much before the doctors told us there was no hope of restoring his paralyzed rear legs. Putting him to sleep was an ordeal I still cry over, six years later. All my sympathies are with you, and thank you for writing this. I'd like to leave a link for you--Pablo Neruda also wrote a poem on this topic:
ReplyDeleteA Dog has Died
It's a good poem for times like this.
This is not really a small loss. For he is your spiritual companion, it may be the most difficult thing you are asked to do. Yes, I have known this pain before, and it will always be a part of me. The loss is great, and leaves a scar upon the heart. My kitty, Beau is about 14 now, and he is experiencing kidney failure, we really don't know how long we have, but each day, with him has been so incredible. He is such a gentle creature. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You will always hold a sacred space for him, he gave you so much.
ReplyDeleteBeing told that starving Biafrans would just love to have my goddamned peas never made me want to eat them or care one whit about Biafrans. I care about what's at hand, what's nearby, what's mine.
ReplyDeleteYou're walking around knowing you'll soon be losing the one who has been with you every step of the way for 14 years. The one you love like nobody else. And it makes it even harder when you have to make the decision yourself, as I have, with all but one of my dogs who have passed.All of their lives, we love them open-heartedly, from our souls, and we would do anything at all for them, as they would for us. Then comes the time when they look at us and we can't stop the clock, can't make them young again, and it is so very very painful.
I think the most important thing a person can do is "to love that well, which one must leave ere long." And we're all leaving ere long.
Your heart will survive. And he will be pain-free and running and still love you as he always has. In the meantime, cry, lean on those who understand, ignore those who don't, and don't, for Goddess' sake, quantify or feel you have to justify this kind of pain. It will pass through, but it will not leave you the same.
Sherry, I'm so sorry...this parting is painful whether we mother a child or any other creature...love is love...what a grace to have loved each other for these 14 years.
ReplyDeletethis is sad!! but the poem is brilliant - infused with lots of emotion and heart!! a truly great poem!
ReplyDeleteIt saddens me to hear this; he is a soulful
ReplyDeletemember of your family. I can feel the pain, but understand the grace of letting him go in peace! My thoughts are with you~xXx He has an amazing spirit as do you!