My father with my little sister,
the summer he died
the summer he died
I never cried for my father.
When he died, the summer
I turned fourteen, I felt sad
for my mother, whose heart
was broken. But I felt relief
that the drinking to blackout
and the violence had stopped.
I had closed him out,
that last year; we had
unfinished business, so
I was not much surprised
when I saw his ghost
smiling at me from behind
the lunch counter at Capri,
a few weeks later,
a few weeks later,
perhaps a smile to say
he had loved me
and wished me well.
He was a brilliant musician
who raged that those
with less talent passed him by.
He hated rock and roll.
I never cried for my father
at his funeral. But I cry
for him now. He gifted me
music and humour and song
that has lasted my whole life long.
And I never said thank you
when he came to tell me
goodbye.
Sharing this with The Sunday Muse.
This is eerily familiar, Sherry. Silent heart sigh, from me to you.
ReplyDeleteThis really touched my heart Sherry! I'm so many ways you lost him before you lost him. Sending you a big hug my friend. 💙
ReplyDeleteVery moving....lovely poem!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to losing someone early on and not because of death... how does the healing begin? Sending love, Sherry.
ReplyDeleteTears are stored in your poem . Happy Sunday Sherry
ReplyDeletemuch❤love
At least he passed something valuable on to you in time. A poignant piece indeed.
ReplyDeleteShock reverberates in this.
ReplyDeleteDifficult memories to reconcile - some solace in the gifts he has left you. Very moving to read, Sherry.
ReplyDeleteSo many regrets for the things left unsaid. did I every say I love you? Why not?? You could have written this for me. An aside: my dad hated rock and roll too.
ReplyDeleteSherry, this is one of your best, I think, as it shows the stuff of life as it was. As it is. I had not realized your father was so very young when he died, and as I look at this loving picture it is hard to think of him as an abusive violent alcoholic. I truly understand your feelings about him and why you never cried..... It is good that now, in retrospect, you can see his gifts to you. If only he had been able to give them to you in a more positive way.
ReplyDelete"I cry / for him now" I can really feel that.
ReplyDeleteThe conflicted mixed feelings and complicated relationship come through. I hope you find healing, comfort, and peace.
ReplyDeleteworlds of unspoken words. galaxies. and now he is a star, and afar. perhaps someday, when you've also returned to stardust, you'll be able to thank him with your light ~
ReplyDeleteSometimes, you cannot cry at the time.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine who could not cry,
sat down years later, and the tears flowed. Relationships are complicated, as is forgiveness. Sending you hugs. 💜