At Real Toads, Kerry set us a task: to tell a tale by an unreliable narrator. Some of the prompt words offered were impaired memory and diminished capacity and I perked right up! Topics I know a LOT about :-) given my own diminished capacities. For this poem, I chose the everyday ramblings of a dear little old lady for whom I provide home support.
Well, I know for certain that
I handed him the keys in his hand
because I dont have them any more.
Do you suppose he is
getting copies made?
Do you suppose he
has designs on me?
Because I love the man
for his kindness,
but I have no thought
of anything with him,
his wife can rest easy.
I keep calling and asking him:
Have you found the keys?
and he says "No keys,
I gave them back to you,"
but I dont have them,
so he has lost them.
The man is in another world,
the poor bugger,
and I wont ask anything of him again.
And Those Idiots called,
saying I owe them money.
What this?
I paid them the money,
and now they say
they need more money?
Well, after I looked through
all the papers in my filing cabinet
(I left a big pile of paper
all over my desk, not to worry,
sweetheart, whenever you have time,
rest yourself,
dont exhaust yourself),
and reconciling the statements
because, thank you, God,
for giving me a brain,
I discovered a discrepancy
of five dollars.
They are trying to steal
from the People,
what this? They are Idiots.
And you remember,
sweetheart,
I switched from Shaw to Telus
because the tv was not working
and Shaw was charging
too much money?
Well, Telus is an Idiot,
and I am switching back to Shaw,
and Telus said I signed a Plan
and I did not sign a Plan so I am
filing a complaint
with the Better Business Bureau
and now I have to find all the Papers
from Wherever I Put Them
and thank you, God, for giving me a brain
to keep all this paper from all the years,
I just have to find Where I Put Them.
Can you bring up the boxes
I told you to put in the basement,
so I can Review them?
Whenever you have time,
Sweetheart, dont exhaust yourself,
but the man is calling me in half an hour
and I have to find them by then.
I love you, God bless you,
but the world is full of Idiots,
making us tired.
I have to go see the doctor,
That Idiot,
who does nothing to help me,
since three years now,
loooong time, I am aching
and my legs not holding me up,
and he asks me
"What can I do for you?"
and I say "You're the Doctor!"
What an idiot.
What this?
They take our money
and they dont look after
the People?
And that woman - the Twit -
we wont even say her name,
Lord, keep the Bad Energies from us,
and protect us forever, Amen,
she said to me
How are you?
and I said Fine Thank You Very Much
and just kept walking
because I want only good energy
and she is bad energy,
and her, I dont need.
For the sale, I got
half price for the chairs:
two chairs,
they bought,
for the price of one.
People, they dont want to pay,
I paid so much money,
the chairs have hardly been sat on
in fifteen years,
and there they go walking out the door,
may God bless the people who sit in them,
and this poor little widow
left here to cry, alone.
