Well, kids, it's a beautiful, sunny day, actually warmer out than inside, and my door is open to the fresh air. I've been sitting on my porch swing watching the hummingbirds come back and back to the feeder, while Jasmine rolls around luxuriously on the porch rug. I have been Contemplating Change, of which life is so abundant.
This is my cute comfy living room, with the new laminate floors I waited years for, installed this past winter. The soft sage green walls were painted before Christmas too, a gift from my sister to me, as was the laminate - I just paid for the installation.
I love Tibetan prayer flags, and have them on my porch and, in good weather, out in the yard as well. Cant have too many prayers wafting up to the heavens!
My teensy table and the lovely daffodils of spring, gathered from the base of my big maple, now sporting buds right on schedule for another season of leaf-making.
Functional small kitchen at the other end of the living room. Tibetan photos on the cupboard door.
My favorite place in the world, my cozy purple bed, which I wish I could spend more time in!
I am SOOOOOO tired!
Other half of my purple bedroom.
The computer room, with more shelves of books. In my small place, I have six bookcases of books I cant part with, having divested myself of several hundred others, recently, in a quest to down-size.
Desk and computer, where The Magic happens :)
The Dalai Lama keeps me company, from the windowsill, and the side of my computer tower.
My front porch, next to bed, my favorite place, porch swing
for Pondering Weighty Matters out of sight to the right.
I will miss this porch the most, along with looking out
and seeing so much space around me.
My little place has never looked as cute as it has since the For Sale sign went up. This winter was a tough one, too many expenses, between renovations costing three times the estimate, Jasmine's surgery and expensive after-care, then the hot water tank blowing and Pup's death one week later.
I was flummoxed. It was all too much. I need to offload debt, down-size and find a way to live more cheaply. Even my modest housing is difficult to hang onto, given the economy, prices going up every month, and disability income that hasnt changed since 1996.
Every time I have been in this position before, when I set things into action, the universe rushed to support me, and both times I was moved out within ten days. So we shall see. It feels like this is what I am meant to do. My left leg is giving out under me, I need to take it easier and for that, life has to be easier. We shall see if the universe supports this move, as it has before.
This place has been Home since 2003, the first home since I lost mine in Tofino when I first got ill. I will miss it. But when I feel like I am rowing across the ocean in a teacup, I have to do what needs doing to get to an easier place. If this place sells, I will move into a very tiny suite in my sister's house across the road. One big room, and a small kitchenette. I can do it. I will be able to keep the things that mean the most to me and get rid of the rest. Even though I purge every few months, there is still too much stuff, and so much of it can go, without ever being missed.
I am lucky to have that option, as renting anywhere else would be more expensive than keeping this place. On the other side of this big change, life will ease, and I need it to do that, and soon. My health is faltering over the struggle to hold on, and so the intelligent response is to just .... Let Go. Life has been a series of losses, but with every loss there is also a gain. I know this by now, and next winter has to be easier than this past one. I will do everything I can to make it be. The rest is up to the universe.
I just hope Pup will still find me when I move. Sometimes Jasmine gets so excited, snuffling along the fence with her tail wagging, that I think he must be in his yard. He'll get confused if he comes and someone else is here. But I wont be far away. I'll leave a trail of his favorite treats across the street, so he can be sure to find me.
