Firsts for the Senile

image on google by newyorkthemetshirts.com

The prompt at dVerse is The First Time. Well, okay then. By now I have had about a Kazillion "firsts", but there is a recent first which proves, if you live long enough, you'll know (and forget about) almost everything!

The first time
Wild Woman
was pretty sure
she was senile,
she was trying to
put her jacket on
upside down.

Then she noticed
she was doing 
a lot of cackling
when nobody else
was laughing.

No matter.

She has gone beyond
the forgetting-what-
she's-looking-for-schtick,
and is well into the
pantomiming the names
of forgotten films phase.
Also the phase where she
boils the kettle,
readies the mug,
then wanders with it, empty,
into the living room.

A recent and rather dangerous
exploration of her purse,
which drew blood,
also amused the onlookers
as she tried to get her money
and evade the Evil Nail Scissors
she had been looking for all day.
Hand in, and withdrawn quickly:
"oo!"
Repeat.
Sister: "What are you doing????"
"Scissors. I found them.
And I need my money,
but I'm scared to go in there!"

The worst was 
the unseemly display,
(for a crone),
of shrieking and cackling
when she tried to ride a bike.
It isn't true - you do forget how.
You have to remember 
the steering.
Apparently that makes
a difference.

The Up-side?
You no longer have the vision
to notice your chin hairs.
(Vast relief, unless you look 
in the mirror in sunlight
and see a small forest 
growing there.
Send that image far far back 
into the recesses of Time.
Pretend it Never Happened!
It's just kinder that way.)

The Down-side?
Not so much in the 
Teeth Department.

The best thing about being
of advanced age is
that everything seems 
utterly hilarious.
One gets away with a lot.
People help you
when they see you 
trying to use a cellphone,
staring at it like it's
a Beam Me Up device,
totally clueless about
which button to press.
They'll volunteer to press them for you,
the more quickly to eject you
from their premises.
They'll even call you a cab!
With some decided alacrity.
You never got dispatched
so quickly
before.

Wild frizzy hair
and odd clothing
complete the picture
and add to the general merriment.

The first time I ever wrote about
the first time I knew I was senile
is........right now!

disclaimer: this is done very tongue in cheek, with no disrespect intended to others of my age who  feel young and extremely agile, mentally and physically. I actually do, too, (well, not extremely, but still), but I get a lot of mileage out of accentuating the negatives for the sake of humor, and just cant resist!!!!!