The Night Before Christmas At My House

The stockings aren’t hung.

It should be no surprise.

In today’s economy,

Santa has to downsize.

The Walmart shoppers 

have slowed to a trickle.

If you’re not done by now,

you’re in a real pickle.

Jeff slams in and out

to the front porch to smoke. 

Jon groans:

“Trying to sleep 

in this house is a joke”

In the living room Steph and Gord,

tucked in their bed,

watch dreams of a night’s sleep

die in their head. 

Jeff’s back! reaching for 

the doorknob with glee.

Five dogs raise their heads:

“Oh, it’s time to go pee!”

Walking dogs in the dark,

I fall in the ditch.

This Christmas gig 

can be a real b-tch!

Mother Hubbard arrives

to prepare the big feast.

How’ll she ever turn 

lentils and beans

to Roast Beast?

Old Dog thinks he’s died

and gone straight to Dog Hell,

and his owner suspects

she has gone there as well.

Sixteen humans 

are coming for dinner

and bringing eight dogs.

Someone’s a real winner!

I’m the old woman 

who lives in a shoe.

We’ll have to hang ‘em on pegs

or else go somewhere new.

Two hundred inches 

of rain falling down:

Here’s hoping Santa 

and his reindeer don’t drown.

I can make it till Christmas 

is over, I think,

especially if you pour me 

one more little drink ;)

This was written during Christmas of 2010, my poor old Pupster's last Christmas, when all the kids came home - the last time we were all together in one place, at the same time. I lived in my tiny trailer then, and people were crammed in like sardines. But it was wonderful, full of cackles and hilarity - and an abundance of dogs, just the way we like it!

Reposted for the last Poetry Pantry of December 2014 at Poets United. Happy Holidays, kids. Have a wonderful one, and I'll see you in the new year!!!!