photo by Adrian Dorst of Tofino
"What's that smell?" she asked,
as the metallic odor,
rusty, like dried blood
on an old knife-blade,
distinct and Other,
like mud at the bottom
of a primordial swamp,
crept across the motionless form
on the hospital bed.
"It's Death,"
I replied.
"It's Death."
posted for Laurie Kolp's cool prompt at Poetry Jam : Rust
Oh, wow. This really packs a punch, Sherry.
ReplyDeleteWhat a chilling ending!
ReplyDeleteOh, Sherry...death does have a smell, doesn't it? I knew a nurse once. She and I met up with another person. When nurse and I left, she said to me, "She's going to die." She was right. She could smell death,,,,,, I could not, but she said she always could.
ReplyDeletethe suspense finally opens in the end
ReplyDeleteVery evocative description in the first stanza! And the ending is unsettling!
ReplyDeleteOh my--you really got me with this one--the smell of death moving across the bed. Chilling really.
ReplyDeletenice micro poem...yes, i know the smell of that death from working with the sheriff back in the day...blood on a k-bar...yikes...
ReplyDeleteDoes death have a smell? I wonder. Rust does but rust is alive.
ReplyDeleteSherry you cut that one clean through
ReplyDelete- the stench and stillness of death
Excellent
Wow Sherry...you didn't hold back with this one. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThe response is unexpected but sharp & true ~ Good one Sherry ~
ReplyDeleteOh. Oh. Reminds me of an old shalom aleichem story about chasing death away by eating a bulb of garlic ... But this is the other way around. Took me by surprise. It took a full minute to recover before the association flooded in. Pow.
ReplyDeleteTo the point and real. I like it very much.
ReplyDeleteThis is powerful and full of emotion and rage. The smell of death clings and draws us into its snare. More to this than just a few words and lines.
ReplyDeleteSherry, this packs quite a punch. A must read - way more than one time!!!
ReplyDeleteI like this Sherry. You did a great job with this prompt. I guess death comes to some after life rusts.
ReplyDeleteOh...wow....this is one where my jaw dropped right down into my heart. Wow, Sherry, amazing. I think this one is going to stick with me all day...and probably more.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness...this gave me shivers... wow... tightly put sherry...
ReplyDeletethe smell of death... heavy, tightly descriptive, apt comparison
ReplyDeleteOh that's chilling, yes very tight, right to the chest...Nice!
ReplyDeleteWow, kids, I thought this was just a tossed-off little snippet, but it seems to have had an impact. When our mom died, this smell did cross the space over the bed though - it had a metallic edge to it, which I just now remembered. Thanks for your comments, everyone! I so appreciate them.
ReplyDeleteSherry, funny how those snippets can pack a punch. This one was right to the heart. Well done:-)
ReplyDelete