Creative Commons
Ack! The Sunday challenge at Real Toads is A Monk's Tale, to be written as a Huitain, 10 syllable lines, eight lines long, with a rhyme scheme of ababbcbc. Yoiks. The result does not trip lightly on the tongue, but it did give me some good practice counting to ten.
A monk in tatt'red robes did sit and sigh,
fond of prayer, but grasp of Heaven slow.
The other monks his sadness did decry:
"Pray constantly! To Heaven you will go."
Falling to his knees, bright eyes aglow,
he spun his beads, fingers nimble, clever.
His fellow monks nodding and smiling so,
he promised them, "Now I will pray forever!"
(I know, there is an extra syllable in the last line,
but I couldnt find a way to get the rhythm right otherwise.)
I like this piece! Very entertaining and tells a faithful tale.
ReplyDelete"fond of prayer, but grasp of Heaven slow."
ReplyDeleteI love that.
I read an article in our paper this morning about a high energy level, high profile guy who was burning out and discovered that spending time in a monastery (a weekend here and there) refreshed him, gave him a new less-crazed perspective on life. Your poem reminded me of him. (could you have used "I'll" in the last line?)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Helen...use I'll
ReplyDeleteor This will take forever~
Enjoyed the monk's tale ~
Well Done, I can so see this~
ReplyDeleteI went the reflection route~ I really like what you did :D
Does he at least get bathroom breaks?
ReplyDeleteI admire your bravery for tackling these "exotic" forms. And I hope the monk was allowed at least a 5 minute bathroom break in the midst of all that praying!
ReplyDeleteI love your take, Sherry! Now this is a very human monk. I know what you mean about counting to ten. LOL.
ReplyDeleteA man finds emptiness after pursuing and going through the rat race. There'll be a time he seeks solace in spiritual pursuits. You've captured that most poignantly, Sherry!
ReplyDeleteThis is one soul who may have realized his calling. Beautiful verse Ma'am!
Hank
P/S Sent my email addy earlier. Should be in your inbox by now
Love this intimate description of a monk "not totally connected" but wanting to do the right thing! Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteBravo, Sherry! I think this is an excellent Huitain, and marvellously tongue-in-cheek.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Kerry. Bravo :)
ReplyDeleteYou did a wonderfull job!!!
ReplyDeleteSuch a challenging form I think! Bravo.
ReplyDeleteWhat about this: "He swore then that he would pray forever."
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a bit between the lines here. There's definitely something to that mention of his cleverness and his sudden eagerness to pray. His religion seems to be only skin deep.
Wonderfully done. There is a good discipline in responding to challenges like this one. I admire those that can pull it off. I also think that the line "fond of prayer, but grasp of Heaven slow" can profoundly describe a lot of humanity :)
ReplyDeleteI like that you also mixed the form with the topic of a monk's tale, Sherry!! Enjoyed much especially the word decry!! :)'s
ReplyDeleteHow appropriate to write a Monk's stanza about a monk. And I'm sure that Shakespeare and other worthy poets did not hesitate to use the occasional amphibrach to make a poem flow!
ReplyDeleteThere's a beautiful sanctity to the flow of these lines. Such a smooth, lovely read.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely poem. Your words flow beautifully. I liked those spinning beads (well-chosen imagery!) and your story!
ReplyDeleteI love the fact that you showed just a bit of the monk's human frailties in this poem as well as his willingness to persist in his chosen path. Very nicely done!
ReplyDeleteSherry, I felt some form of kinship with your monk. He reminds me of me when I set out to 'learn' how to meditate, lol. Of course, I lacked the spinning beads.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Very clever - I can see him with his rosary. Really well done. k.
ReplyDeleteVery clever - I can see him with his rosary. Really well done. k.
ReplyDelete