A Spirit Too Big to Kill

Ms. Jasmine, lonely without Pup

With thanks to Annell at Somethings I Think About

http://somethingsithinkabout-annell-annell.blogspot.com/

for the line "Spirit too big to kill",

which she wrote for Pup.

The neighbourhood

has gone eerily silent.

The neighborhood dogs

are spooked,

the neighbors, too.

When I pull

into the driveway,

now -

no   barking -

no big old snout

poked

in the bags,

to see if there's

something there

for you.

The house is empty.

Ms. Jasmine

is sad

and quiet,

while through

the empty rooms

she and I roam,

looking at

your stuffed boars,

your big soft bed of foam,

the space waiting for

your ashes,

when you

finally

come home.

Where are you now?

Where did

your large

and noisy spirit go?

This silence

is one I

simply cant

get used to;

it's too quiet,

and that makes me

miss you so.

You had such a big

and luminescent

Presence,

It makes

your absence

all the more

profound.

I didnt want

to let you go,

my wolf-pup,

and you didnt want

to leave me;

that I know.

You stayed longer

than your body

thought was wise.

But your spirit

kept  light

smiling

to the end

within your eyes.

The morning

of the day

you died,

I saw you rolling

like a young pup,

on your back and

wriggling in the snow.

I hoped it meant that

you were getting better.

I wasnt ready

-ever-

to let you go.

But your hind end has

been giving out

for years.

Every time

that you went down,

you got back up.

Even when it failed,

that night,

completely,

still you tried

to rise,

my ever-faithful

Pup.

You barked to go out,

and then it happened:

your rear was gone.

You needed

to be set free.

The decision

was made,

the moment I had

so dreaded,

heartbreakingly

had finally

come to be.

When we prepared the car,

you thought

that it meant

Walkies.

Your excitement 

at going 

got you  on your feet.

You barked

the whole way

as you have,

for fourteen years,

day after day.

Who could have thought

how much I'd miss

your barking,

how loud the silence

once you went

away?

This afternoon

the sun beamed

shafts of brightness

all across

your bare, deserted yard.

It is so empty now

without you in it.

Being without you

is so very hard.

There's a full round

yellow moon

atop the cedars,

rising across the

early evening sky.

The kind of moon

that makes

a wolf pup howl.

For so long,

we've walked together,

you and I.

You refused to get out

at the vet's.

I had to drag you.

You didnt want

to leave me

it was clear.

You fought the

sedation

for a long time.

I fought my tears,

so you would

feel no fear.

Then finally,

and slowly,

it was over.

You succumbed.

I know your spirit

never will.

You  were yourself,

right to the end,

black wolf who

loved me,

who lived

all his life

with a

Spirit

too big to kill.

Your empty yard.