Friday, January 15, 2016

FIVE YEARS GONE ~ for Pup



On the anniversary of his death - January 15, 2011

I feel it coming, this poem I will birth
on the fifth year of your passing
from this earth.
So close to tears, I realized, of course, it is you.
Just how much and how long I would miss you,
back then I never knew.
Like a burrowing owl, you have lodged in my heart,
like a prickle-burr that hurts, from which I do not want to part.
You live there, night and day, in a corner labeled Grief.
From the missing and your-being-gone
there is no relief.

Ghost voices whispering on the wind,
and wolf howls in my dreams,
you look right into my sad heart;
your wolf-eyes gleam.

The barn owl says to light the lamp
on the windowsill for you.
But how can you find me in this place
that was never home to you?

I'm homeless in the universe, alone, without you
and I fear you're out there somewhere,
feeling homeless too.
Lead me back, wolf-spirit,
to the land we loved together.
I will walk there again
as we did in any weather.

When I can hear  the rhythm of
the turning of the tides,
my spirit may still find a home
once more, where peace abides.
Maybe your ghost shadow
will accompany the hours
as I walk forever beaches that,
for a time, were ours.

     ***     ***     ***

I went to bed and slept, and then they came:
four beautiful, snowy white wolves
who already knew my name.
The first one came close,
oh! the beauty of her face!
pushed a friendly nose towards me,
as I stood still, accepting,
but respectful of her space.
We were at the beach, the wolves and I.
A visitation from the spirit-world
of the not-alive,
and from deep in my spirit,
which needs both wolves and ocean waves
to thrive,
because it has never been enough
simply to survive.
The barn owl called sleepily
in the early light to wake me.
Four white wolves live within me now,
never to forsake me.

And you?
big, black, laughing, hilarious
creature of the dawn?
You live in my heart
forever, now.
You are never
fully gone.

Oh, boy. I tweaked this poem I wrote last year for this anniversary. And now I'm a goner.

15 comments:

  1. I hear the pain and the loss.

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  2. time passes yet the absence does not change in its character of the resounding void. i did not realize the irony of the presence of pain in a heart enveloped by emptiness when reflecting, remembering of the warmth of touch and smell, of kisses shared no longer present. i share this lament with you, mi amiga.

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  3. This IS probably the most heart-felt and moving poem I have Ever read..sherry. RIP Pup!

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  4. He will be with you forever....'tenderly.'

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  5. Very beautiful Sherry, I'm sure he is beside day and night and loving the sounds of your voice as you read your poems about him.

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  6. He came back with the light of four white wolves. Remember that you are missed and will never be forgotten. He will always be there, always aware of your presence.

    Elizabeth

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  7. Oh, Sherry.....I feel your sadness. It has not left you, has it, my friend? You are right that he is never fully gone. He is with you, part of your soul!

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  8. Yes, Sherry - the pre-dream portion is filled with the darkness of unrelenting loss and grief and the dream and awakening filled with the bright light of the love that never leaves - and makes home wherever you are... <3 <3 Absolutely beautiful in the shimmering spectrum of love, loss and legacy...

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  9. oh Pup. days are never long enough with real love, are they? ~

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  10. I got tears too. And a friend just sent me John 15, of the one who is always just born, just sacrificed and always with me. I think it applies. Bless you.

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  11. Yep....this one did me in too!

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  12. I missed this, Sherry, and I'm glad you told me to look it up.
    I know we're going to go through the same feelings out here when we lose our Lindy. It can't be helped. I just hope I'm feeling better, because Dick is going to need a lot of shoring-up after the blow.
    Hugs, K

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  13. This is our world, isn't it? The sadness and the joy. With any luck, we might have each in equal measure, but often that is not the case, as you have made evident with the poignancy of this poem, Sherry.

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I so appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Thank you so much. I will be over to see you soon!