Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Four Years Gone

google image

for Pup


I feel it coming,
this poem I will birth
on the fourth year of your passing
from this earth.
So close to tears, I realized, 
of course, it is you.
Just how much and how long
I would miss you,
back then I never knew.

Like a burrowing owl, 
you have lodged in my heart
like a prickle-burr that hurts
from which I do not want to part.
You live there, night and day,
in a corner labeled Grief.
From the missing 
and your-being-gone
there is no relief.

Ghost voices
whispering on the wind,
and wolf howls in my dreams,
you look right into my sad heart;
your wolf-eyes gleam.

The barn owl says to light the lamp
on the windowsill for you.
But how can you find me
when where I live 
was never home to you?

I'm homeless in the universe,
alone, without you
and I fear you're out there somewhere,
feeling homeless too.
Lead me back, wolf-spirit,
to the land we loved together.
I will walk there again
as we did in any weather.

When I can hear  the rhythm of 
the turning of the tides,
my spirit may still find a home
once more, where peace abides.
Maybe your ghost shadow
will accompany the hours
as I walk along forever beaches that,
for a time, were ours.


***

I went to bed and slept,
and then they came:
four beautiful, snowy white wolves
who already knew my name.
The first one came close,
oh! the beauty of her face!
pushed a friendly nose towards me,
as I stood still, accepting, 
but respectful of her space.

We were at the beach,
the wolves and I.
A visitation 
from the spirit-world of the not-alive,
and from deep in my spirit,
which needs both wolves
and ocean waves
to thrive,
because it has never been enough 
just to survive.

The barn owl called sleepily
in the early light to wake me.
Four white wolves live within me now,
never to forsake me.
And you?
big, black, laughing, hilarious
creature of the dawn? 
You live in my heart 
forever, now.
You are never 
fully gone.


32 comments:

  1. I'm homeless in the universe,
    alone, without you
    and I fear you're out there somewhere,
    feeling homeless too...

    This is heart-breaking, Sherry. Dogs do become so much a part of our sense of self, and security, losing one is never easy but your loss is inconsolable.

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  2. It is incredible how close we feel to certain animals--they are so generous and accepting in their loves and they give us a connection to a bigger world, as you have connected in this poem. Very poignant, Sherry. Take care, K.

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  3. Deep tears of sorrow and big warm hugs...I still feel the pain of my first pup lost.

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  4. Such sadness.. do we really understand till afterwards the kind of void a creature like that leaves.. i think the wolves came back with a message for you.. that part was consoling to the heartbreaking grief.

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  5. This is true, Kerry. I just cant get past it.

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  6. Four years for me too but in this case it is was Maureen my wife. The sadness reflects how beautiful the relationship was. Your poem is so full of heart Sherry.

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  7. The dog was your love and the barn owl your totem, I think.

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  8. I get the feeling you are both in this together, that he sent the four white wolves just as you always send the owl. This poem lingers, partly because of the care you took with sound--rhyme and meter--it sooths as it longs. Bless every moment you spent with him and will again at your home on the shore.

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  9. i feel the loss...the echoing forward of the loss...homeless without them...even if you were never home with them....and it is them...and those reminders, though painful at times, are nice...as if they remember us...

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    1. I was home with him all the time, Brian. But after he died, I moved away from where we lived together, and II think he cant find me here. He sent the wolves though and they were beautiful!

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  10. I am sure Pup will never be totally gone. His essence remains, and your heart still feels his presence. Keep your memories alive, Sherry...as you do.

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  11. What a beautiful tribute to Pup. He certainly left his paw prints on your spirit. I feel your grief and fear for my Daisy. I will miss her when she's gone. But, for now she's doing ok and giving me time to love and spoil her even more than I have in the past.

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  12. Oh, Sherry! This broke my heart.

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    1. Kelli, as you are mourning your mom, I feel a bit silly laying my grief on the page. But I suppose pain is pain and I thank you for caring.

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  13. Oh Sherry this ripped and repaired my heart as tears fell... Simply exquisite.

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    1. This poem was hard and took some time, Pearl, and many tears were shed. But it helped. That big black dog is healing me, even now.

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  14. I feel that this is all from your heart, Sherry. You miss him so very much. He was your friend, your pal, your buddy. He stood by you when you have troubles or problems and seemed to understand.
    Adi was that for me, two years now last September. Katrin stepped up and wanted her place. She got it but there wasn't the bond that Adi and I had. I will always miss her, she was my love. Never did she disappoint or hurt me, she was special. Like Pup was for you.

    Been missing you for a while, Sherry. Now that you popped in I am about to leave for probably a couple of weeks. Tell you later, it should all be for the good.
    ..

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    1. I almost had a tear reading yours.
      You may have had many while you wrote.
      ..

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  15. Sherry - the beauty of your words is found deep within your sadness. I do not know when it will be but you and Pup will reunite.

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  16. I lost my dog at the same time. Powerful memories.

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  17. its beautiful the way you have kept in store, the love for your pet in your heart

    much love...

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  18. i do like what the barn owl is saying...

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  19. This is a wonderful tribute to man's and women's best friend. It is a wonderfully heartfelt poem that I can really cling on to if I ever lost my pup. Really wonderful words to say Sherry.

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  20. This brings such tears. My beloved pets through the years have heard my secrets, given me reasons to reach deeper into the soul. I believe your precious wolf is your guardian angel.

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  21. I don't think I ever considered that one of the reasons why grief rips so much sorrow out of our hearts is because deep inside we feel that the one who left us is alone...

    This will keep me thinking for a very long time.

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  22. Tears...tears for the sorrow and the loss and the fear that somewhere he is feeling homeless too...tears because of the beauty and the unitedness one can experience in such divine creatures...the entirety is such a complete experience, Sherry and the latter brings in a flavor of ancient lore...I'm so moved by this piece in memory of your beloved fur-family.

    I like to think that somewhere our loved ones are frolicking afield or on the beach and that they have a Master to go to in the evenings...(if there're evenings), and when it's time to rest and there She speaks softly, "good boy," and lovingly pats them just how they remember us doing for them, too. I like to think there's a place like that and there they wait patiently to be reunited with us. ♥

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  23. Oh, Sherry, this is so beautiful and touching! I still hear the sounds of my departed animal companions in the house. They are always a part of us.

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  24. Sherry, what a beautiful tribute. Sending hugs! As for how you've expressed your grief here, this poem is really a force. I just love how it picks up speed and intensity and starts to rhyme in the second section. Very powerful!
    xoxox

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  25. Dear Sherry this is such a deep write. He is with you, will never leave you, hold him close as he is and will ever be with you now. You touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

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  26. A hauntingly beautiful penned gem! This echoes some of my pain-I am happy you had a dream, which brought your heart a smile- Pup lives on in your wilderness, your heart holds these dreams~
    Yes, this makes me cry....

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  27. This is very poignant, Sherry. "You are never/fully gone" - this is true of dogs as well as of human beings as long as we cared for them.

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Thank you so much. I will be over to see you soon!