Friday, July 18, 2014

Another I, Another You



It's Fireblossom Friday at Real Toads and Shay has devised the most intriguing prompt: looking back, at possible parallel paths one might have taken, what might your life have looked like if you had made one different choice? There was one definitive moment in my life, with the one man I truly loved, where I walked away instead of staying. That is my biggest What If.........I put my children first, which felt like the choice I had to make. But I have been mostly alone since then, never found another I felt the same about.



What if, Brother Dreamer,
I had followed my heart and stayed,
instead of leaving?
Might we have made it 
through those years
of clamoring teens,
who turned our tables upside down
with their restive and resistant spirits,
that blew apart our dreams?

I walk back through that door
on Richter Street,
and find you in the greenhouse,
where we would always meet.
A small bird flies across the room 
and lights in perfect trust
upon your hand,
you turn that slow smile on me,
without words, 
we understand.

Our hair is silvery now,
and our eyes meet
with that deep recognition,
soul to soul,
that I felt the first time
 I ever saw 
your face,
as if I knew you from
another time, another place,
and finding you again
was this life's grace.

We two are loners
and, when loners love,
the love goes deep.
You had awoken me
from my long sleep,
but happiness, this life,
has never long been mine
to keep.

You opened the door 
of the dove's cage 
on that last day.
Out she flew, 
upwards and away.
Out I flew, too,
though I longed for you
to say the only words
that could make me stay.
And while my heart, 
all these long years,
stayed true,
I had to learn the route
of the lonelier path,
of living
without you.


21 comments:

  1. i imagine you a much different person if you had chose to stay...it can be hard as a loner to love...and perhaps on the other side of those teens maybe things would be different...

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  2. Dear Sherry, we share the same story ....

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  3. This is so beautiful – the loss and the longing expressed with such wistful passion and eloquence. “When loners love, the love goes deep”: a wonderful, wonderful lone of poetry.

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  4. This is so sad, Sherry. Yet it is hard not to imagine the might have beens, even though they do not measure up to what has come to pass in a lifetime. Your wings suit you.

    (I'm sorry if my comment comes through twice, I think blogger ate my first one.)

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  5. Hi Sherry ~~ You make me wanna ...
    Well, want to look harder for a few old flames. I was there with you, two loners in love. In a way I'm sorry you flew. But one never knows, especially with kids to raise.

    I spend quite a bit of time trying to remember the name of one of my 'companions' who worked in the candy factory. We were together a lot, just when neither of us wanted to be alone. But not meant to be more. Sigh.
    ..

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  6. Oh, Sherry...your poem holds wings as well and such emotively beautiful ones...sigh...what a gorgeous and longing piece of writing. ♥

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  7. Beautifully written Sherry, your heart shows right through this. It chocked my up a bit. I'm a romantic and love happy endings. Still, I suspect you would not have been happy if you'd not chosen your children. I think you're wired to do the "right" thing, Hope you meet up with the guy sometime, and he's turned ugly, mean, grouchy and someone you wouldn't like to live with. Ha.

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  8. Such longing in this poem, Sherry. It brought tears to my eyes.

    Pamela ox

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  9. Yes, Sherry, "when loners love, the love grows deep," I get that. My first husband and I were both loners back then, and the depth comes from an unhealthy amount of dependence on one another, rather than living a fuller life, walking on a wider avenue, you know? And you can still hold a special love in your heart for an ex, if only because the bad falls away in time. As long as you don't get back together, oy. Loved the bird coming to him... that is special. Love, Amer

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  10. beautifully, hauntingly, poignantly written... what choice is there really, but to put one's children first? if you had not, regrets might run far deeper.

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  11. This moved me very much ~ If only, what might have been, the words unsaid....I think our lives might have been different ~ The line that struck me too is this: when loners love, the love is deep ~

    Have a lovely weekend Sherry ~

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  12. There's so much that goes into any decision that big and doing what you think you must, but I hear the what- if longing in this.

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  13. Oh the decisions one must make for children...They are often a tough must do...This is so full of the pain of "what if." I feel it.

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  14. So poignant, Sherry--those what ifs that haunt us in the dark hours and in the bright. The hardest thing I've found in this life is to let the past go, and I can't say I've been terribly good at it, either. A very moving, and emotionally true poem.

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  15. This piece brought tears...I guess life is made up of woulda, coulda, shoulda...but I'm sure you made the right choice, even though you loved him dearly and would always. Remember heaven takes care of babies and fools...I'm sure there was someone looking out for you. xoxoxoxo

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  16. I suspect that even if the cage had remained close, those wings would have found a way to take flight... They read too strong and passionate and free for have it any other way.

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  17. Writing that conveys honest emotion from a mother's (and a lover's) heart! Every choice is "yes" to something (or someone) and "no" to something else...

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  18. dang, Sherry - wistful yet strong ~

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  19. Oh, this is good, Sherry. So good and so moving. Your words are powerful and strong. You've definitely shown your deep heart here and the sadness that lies beneath. Thanks for sharing such a touching poem with the world.

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