Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Turning Towards Home


I am Traveler,
who spends a decade at a time
poised to move on,
yet marching in place because,
sometime, 
I just might be needed.
I have been a mother
since I was still a child.
What to do with my mothering,
when my whole life's work
has been weighed 
and found wanting?

I am the quiet heart waiting
and waiting 
for someone to give something back.
I am loneliness,
surrounded by busy, distracted people.


What is left when all is said and done?
My dog's anxious head,
thrusting itself under my hand, to say
"I'm here, I'm here."

A heart bruised and battered, 
and filled with chagrin,
for the choices made,
that could have been other,
and for all the years gone.


This morning I woke without fear.

But it is even more frightening
to wake without joy.
The sad gilt edges of the day
nibble at my toes
that dont want to go out,
though the sun is broad-beckoning.
In my soul is a great turning,
like a sonar,
towards the western shore,
alive with seabirds,
ablaze with sunrises and sunsets,
where every morning I once woke with joy,
- alive! alive! -
in a life that was wholly,
and completely
mine.
And with everything that's in me,
I am turning,
one last time,
towards home.

[I have been in a funk, without one idea of anything to write, till I read Marina's intriguing prompt at dVerse: to answer the following four questions, based on Banhu Kapil's Vertical Interrogation of Strangers. 

1) Who are you and whom do you love?
2) What else are you, that no one has seen before?
3) Describe a morning you woke without fear.
4) What lingers when all is said and done?]

36 comments:

  1. Mothers always give so much. I love the role of the dog in this. They always seem to know when we need them. Wishing you joy~

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  2. i am the quiet heart waiting for someone to give back...smiles...i hear you there...and your pups made me smile...turn on...and walk on sherry...smiles...find that home...

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  3. nice... especially liked,

    "This morning I woke without fear.

    But it is even more frightening
    to wake without joy."

    I guess I would worry if I awoke with no fears at all... fear can be paralyzing in a way, but it's a natural emotion that's in all of us, just some don't know how to over come those feelings...

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  4. 'This morning I woke without fear.

    But it is even more frightening
    to wake without joy.'

    This part i find is so true..the loss of fear
    is no price to pay for the loss of joy..

    and of course the best way to find is simply
    joy of living...

    as one soul connected to everything else

    for those who may find this in life..

    it seems to me now..

    but this i know can come and go..

    But when i am in this darkness...

    the thing i knowNOW the most..

    is never ever to give up..

    AS the joy of living can and will
    come back..

    Sometimes like a miracle
    a flame
    from a candle
    that does

    not

    even exist....

    in what we know of the physical world..

    @least...:)but still
    the flame of love of life inside one's heart..
    can always
    burn
    again...:)

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  5. Sherry this is beautiful in its directness. It pulled at the strings of my inner being. You speak here, for both of us,

    Elizabeth

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  6. Wow! You're the most real communicator I know! My awesome, authentic mother, whom I love to pieces!! But, you ARE appreciated, by all who know you - we Love You!! We'll never let you forget - I promise!! <3

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  7. I absolutely love the ending - turning toward home for the last time. Wow! Such serenity!

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  8. This morning I woke without fear.
    But it is even more frightening
    to wake without joy.... that is the key for me here... i don't mind the fear i think but if there's no joy, everything seems so senseless

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  9. Very deep introspection , but life's lows and highs come and go, just we have to stay calm.

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  10. may joy ever be your companion

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  11. Fear if controlled will keep us safe. Life is full of joys to keep us happy, and laughter will keep us healthy. Your response to the prompt is terrific!

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  12. O. This is my new favorite. It speaks for more than a few I know. Truth makes bull's eyes in this poem of passionate beauty, driven by questions that are shovel-like in their ability to find the pots of gold. My favorite parts:
    "What to do with my mothering,
    when my whole life's work
    has been weighed
    and found wanting?

    I am the quiet heart waiting ..."

    and:
    "The sad gilt edges of the day
    nibble at my toes
    that don't want to go out,
    though the sun is broad-beckoning."

    I can not imagine you without Joy, but I feel the directed turning. How can we make that last move possible and let those who might need you learn to do without you? Is it only a matter of $$?

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  13. Sherry this is so beautiful.

    " This morning I woke without fear.

    But it is even more frightening
    to wake without joy."

    Yes. That stood out for me....but all of this piece is so stellar.

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  14. To wake without joy.. Indeed frightening, scary.. Finding joy in nature - that's a gift we can always nurture - the sound of a bird, the smell of the sea or looking at the old oak bursting out in leaves.. Yes a gift

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  15. My dear, It is time to be the best mother to yourself. Make tea in your best china, with some delicious patisserie and a bowl of fresh cut flowers in your Chinese kimono ,listening to some lovely music having a lovely little tea party with the pooches and the phone turned off ! Time to pamper yourself for the rest of your life because no one else will !

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  16. May your days be filled with joy Sherry...thank you for the wonderful post..

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  17. i believe we share similar issues over the years..and it too a long, long time to feel one deserved to awaken to joy, to live life fully, when a family member is sabotaged by an insidious illness. And so, finally, we are able to let go of some of the guilt and be freer to enjoy ourselves in this life. It's not something that comes and goes in this case; you live it all the time. Honest and frank write. I like the gold and toes part.

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  18. Very palpably felt--hope you can get those joyful mornings back. Your description of the way the dog put his head in your hand especially poignant. K.

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  19. I love that ending verse, to finally realize your feet are pointing towards a place, you call home & where mornings are faced without fear ~ Thanks Sherry ~

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  20. This morning I woke without fear.
    But it is even more frightening
    to wake without joy.... strong words. Love the ending.

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  21. I feel the sadness in this poem, Sherry. You have marched in place to the beat of other's rhythms for long enough now. It is a sad, sad thing to awaken joyless, and I hope that the journey to the west comes about soon....

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  22. You touched my heart and my experiences in this moving poem. Lovely, lovely, work.

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  23. I believe that when joy & fear co-exist within the same morning, they morph into alacrity; which is a necessity. You mention no spouse, lover, companion--& the loneliness becomes strongly felt by we the readers; despite the palpable sadness in the poem, you left us with hope; which is both necessary & appreciated.

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  24. Your sould is revealed here Sherry. I know you are sad now. Heaven knows I've been there. But your joy never disappears. It merely hides. It's hard, but trust that you will feel it again. Your poem is beautiful.

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  25. I enjoyed how the dog brought a level of joy to your busy life... some beautiful lines throughout

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  26. I think may not this "I am turning, one last time,towards home." for I read you carry home in your heart and it is surrounded by love.

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  27. Sherry, this got to me big time...especially the second and third stanza. There is so much I identify with in this. Wish you were a neighbor.

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  28. Hi Sherry, I was looking forward to seeing what you would make of Marina's prompt and wasn't disappointed. What a truly lovely finish to this and what a marvellous line is: "I am the quiet heart waiting.." Thanks so much for this - it touched me... With Best Wishes Scott

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  29. Hi Sherry, I was looking forward to seeing what you would make of Marina's prompt and wasn't disappointed. What a truly lovely finish to this and what a marvellous line is: "I am the quiet heart waiting.." Thanks so much for this - it touched me... With Best Wishes Scott

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  30. There is a lot of sadness and regret in this poem, Sherry. I hope you eventually move to the place you call home and where you feel so much joy.

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  31. There are probably a lot more "quiet hearts waiting" than we think. It seems that the world is getting much colder. Here's a warm (((hug))) from one quiet heart to another.
    Beautifully written

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  32. Sherrrrrrryyyyy - to capture melancholy, ennui and the flatness of joy fled is sheer brilliance - to do so and to concurrently inspire hope as one turns homeward is celestial - Starkly, stunningly, humanly, womanly, beautiful - Bravo <3

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  33. the turn from the single line penultimate stanza, to the twist of waking without joy, is so powerfully executed, Sherry. sometimes all it takes is a little nudge, and your eyes, which are certainly fully observant, find a way to connect to your fingers again ~

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  34. Oh Sherry, your words resonate with me. The waiting, being surrounded with business. Beautifully expressed. And I love your hopeful closing, where you are turning again towards home. (hug)

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  35. This is very poignant, very sad. I ask myself many of the same questions. You capture that sense of 'what if', of wistfulness so well... Yet the last stanza gives hope and dignity and the joy of being alive!

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I so appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Thank you so much. I will be over to see you soon!