Saturday, March 30, 2013

Granny Gets Regurgitated


by Illustrator Chris Petty,

or......Red Riding Hood, Re-Visited


Grandma isn't exactly looking in the pink today.
Sitting up in bed under her frilly cap
her eyes look.......voracious.
Hmmm.
Her long furry nose
--wait! fur?--
did she cancel her electrolysis appointment? --
whiffs the air.
Grandma licks her lips enticingly,
and grins a wolfish grin.
Her teeth! Ohmmmmmmmm my God!

Little Red stutters, "Er.........Grandma?"

Grandma's jaws open, 
a little too wide and welcoming.
Then she gets a funny look on her face.
(Could Grandma be incontinent?)
A furry paw lifts up to cover her lips
and she emits a tidy little "urp."

Oh no!
Granny's turning blue!

Little Red stands on the doorstep.
"Help? I think?"

"Stand back!" yells the manly woodcutter,
all swarth and brawn,
climbing into bed with Grandma.

What the frick?

Embracing Grandma from behind
(L.R. feels she shouldnt be looking),
he administers the Heimlich
and - Gott in Himmel! -
out pops.....

"Grandma!" shouts Little Red, vastly relieved
that nothing age-inappropriate had been going on.

The wolf-in-Grandma's-clothing sheepishly mutters,
"Thanks, man," to the burly woodcutter.
"What was I thinking?
My eyes were bigger than my stomach."

"Look, Grandma," pipes Little Red,
I brought you a basket of goodies."

"Yay!" says Grandma.
"Yum!" says the woodcutter.
"Let's chow down," says the wolf.

And so they do.

Mary has set us a fun prompt over at dVerse, where she is tending bar this weekend : to write about a well-known character, and to re-invent that character, putting them in an unusual situation, and tweaking the persona. As she offered the Big Bad Wolf as a possibility, my mind had fun with the idea. Hope it makes you smile. The prompt will post at 3 p.m. eastern, over at dVerse - be sure to check out the other offerings!!!!

30 comments:

  1. Who would have thought, but so well done! I love it!

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  2. Ha, this is a riot, Sherry. Thank goodness for that woodcutter and his ability to do the Heimlich!! And thank goodness for Red for bringing enough food for everyone. Smiles.

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  3. oh my goodness.. a hungry wolf and a hungry woodcutter...surely not what little red expected...fun twist of the story...smiles

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  4. hahahaha this is awesome...love the commentary through it...feels she should not be looking...snort....oh sherry you have made my day...just came up for air fro working on a paper and you made it a delight...smiles.

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  5. Ha ha fantastic...well that wolf will take more care in future...nice they all eat together at the end... hilarious write!

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  6. So good to see a wolf getting a happy ending for a change! Adored the poetic dialogue!

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  7. Ha Ha Ha.......
    Thank you for that humor.
    nice story here. LOL

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  8. You and Mary's pieces on Red Riding Hood and Grandma's are so fun to read dear ~ I like that ending, food for everyone ~ Now, I am really hungry for dinner ~ Happy Easter ~

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  9. Great humour - thanks for the fun.

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  10. Sherry, oh I loved the wolf getting the Heimlich from the woodcutter! Total joy to read.

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  11. Glad Grandma got out! :) This is a really funny take, I enjoyed it!

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  12. And they said mixed marriages wouldn't work! A fun romp.

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  13. ...and they all lived happily & full ever after... haha... what fun to read with the cool twist... who would want violence anyway? your take is a fun easter treat... smiles... happy easter Sherry...

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  14. "Did she cancel her electrolysis appointment?"

    HHAAW...he'd rather be wolfing down Li'l Red, but the cookies will do for now!

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  15. Good, I always felt sorry for the poor wolf

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  16. Wow, very trippy remake.
    Hilarious and incredibly (inappropriately) creative.
    Loved it

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  17. A fun remake of a classic tale; it put me in mind of James Finn Garner's Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. ... Still smiling.

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  18. hahahah!! loved this one too afte reading mary's version...wolves arent bad in the company of woodcutter and perhaps they both are men...for the way to a man's heart is his stomach!! :P

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  19. Awesome...I love this fashion conscious Grandma!Her electrolysis appointment had me in splits! hahaha
    The concluding twist is a treat, Sherry!
    Brilliant!Loved reading this!

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  20. What a hilarious, modern version. Made me laugh so much. Makes me think how whole you are - you can write sensitive, even sad poetry as well as something as humorous as this. Great job Sherry.

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  21. A fun read from start to finish..had me chuckling.

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  22. You tweaked that persona all to bits and gave me a good giggle as well.
    K

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  23. I love these rewritten tales, they make me smile, laugh, and look at the world differently. Thanks for being here, Sherry,

    Elizabeth

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  24. This is freaking fun! A new perspective/voice from you, Sherry. A hoot, to be sure.

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I so appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Thank you so much. I will be over to see you soon!